


Push and Pull

by asleepby2



Category: Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, and jinhyuk is a goofball, but hes worried too, dohyon is a worried lil bro, it started out as a fluff how'd it end up here, lotsa flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-07 23:31:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19859839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asleepby2/pseuds/asleepby2
Summary: "I'm Cho Seungyoun!""Lee Hangyul. Nice to meet you."They smile at each other for the first time that day





	Push and Pull

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this idea out before the 3rd eliminations. I told myself if Seungyoun makes it into the top 10 that week, I'd finish writing this fic so... here we are. I've never really written a full fic before so go easy on me.
> 
> I wanted to contribute some seungyul before the show ended so I hope this turns out well. (Also the finale is tomorrow so... this may or may not hurt more when i re-read then... but I'm hoping for the best...)
> 
> Edit: THEY BOTH MADE IT DHJSSHSHJS I may have to write a sequel....

It started with a smile that wasn't returned.  
  
All the trainees had gathered in an empty hall to wait for their buses to arrive to bring them to god knows where. Seungyoun stands surrounded by dozens of faces that all stand out and blend together at the same time.  
  
Everything about the situation is somehow surreal. Like an odd case of dejavu. He's trained for years, debuted, and performed on stage yet here he is again. Buzzing with the same anticipation and excitement and fear from years ago.  
  
He came with 2 other trainees from his company whom he did get acquainted to but they didn't seem to click. "You can't get along with everyone" is a lesson he's learned well through the years. So he goes back to looking around the hall.  
  
That is until his eyes meet another's. He doesn't know him. He doesn't know anyone here except for a few acquaintances like Seonho or a face he's seen before like Yuvin. Yet when he meets the other trainee's eyes, he can't seem to look away. The latter from across the hall doesn't seem to know what to do so he glances away like nothing happened. So Seungyoun tears his gaze away too. He should be embarrassed and he sort of does but... he laughs it off. His mom did always say that he was an odd boy.  
  
Later on when they're being lined up in front of their ride, he meets the boy again. Neither seems to know what to do but Seungyoun's never really shied away from awkward situations so he looks back at the trainee from earlier and smiles again.  
  
"Sorry 'bout earlier. I must've zoned out." He feels a bout of nervousness so he rubs his shoulder to shake off the nerves.  
  
"Ah." His voice is deep. "Same here." He chuckles for a good measure and just like that the tense atmosphere breaks.  
  
"I'm Cho Seungyoun!"  
  
"Lee Hangyul. Nice to meet you."  
  
They smile at each other for the first time that day.

* * *

  
  
Seungyoun only has a vague idea of how this show goes. They audition, then they get sorted into classes, they practice a song, and get sorted again. After that things seem to blur together in his mind.  
  
He goes about the process with as much enthusiasm as he does with everything else in his life, with the same mindset he's always had.  
  
Do your best but set the expectations low. So it doesn't hurt at the end of the day. So you can move on fast and do your best again.  
  
So he's not disappointed when he remains in class B after the re-evaluations. B class is full of upbeat characters and their practices are always fun anyway.  
  
It all seems to pay off when Donghyun, the boy he freaked out during the secret box challenge, picks him to join his group.  
  
The teams all scatter off to start practices and...  
  
It's him again.  
  
They don't stare at each other this time but Seungyoun does throw in a wide grin in lieu of a greeting and he seems to take it just fine. Their group has an easy chemistry that only encourages Seungyoun's outgoing nature to come out. His jokes come pouring out before he can even think about what he's saying.  
  
"I have a good physique! I match with the song well." He rattles on.  
  
"Well my collarbones are really pronounced!"  
  
So that's how it's going to be.  
  
"Well my collarbones are-" he pulls his sweater down to show off his collarbones that may or may not be as pronounced as Hangyul's.  
  
"Guys keep it PG."  
  
Wooseok cuts their back-and-forth in the nick of time and Seungyoun snaps his attention back to the group like a kid that was caught cheating.  
  
It gets a laugh out of everyone but Hangyul's is the only one that rings in his ears when he's tucked in bed that night.

* * *

Their team ends up winning the group X battle and they can finally retire back to their dorm rooms to get some rest.  
  
It turns out Hangyul likes to walk around shirtless when he's at the dorms to Seungyoun's dismay. He doesn't mind of course. Hangyul does have nice collarbones. And he has a mature charm that makes him seem older than he is. The tattoos on his back only accentuates this more.  
  
Seungyoun has tattoos too. Lots of them. Almost too many apparently because people can't seem to stop talking about them so he keeps them under tons of tape. That tends to peel off anyway. It's all very frustrating.  
  
It's when he's changing out of his stage outfit that he notices Hangyul staring. He shrugs it off as a passing glance at first as he goes back to tugging the tape off his forearms but... he's not looking away. It makes Seungyoun feel a bit antsy but he doesn't know what to do about it so he continues peeling off pieces of tape, purposefully facing away from where Hangyul's sitting.  
  
His face feels hot but if he focuses hard enough it's sure to go away. He just has to focus harder.  
  
"Hyung..." Hangyul starts as he gets up from his bunk.  
  
"How many tattoos do you have?" His voice is tinged with something but he can't tell what it is.  
  
"Uhm... around seven or eight. I'm not really sure anymore, honestly." His voice falters a bit and he doesn't know why. This whole situation is way more confusing than it has to be.  
  
"You've got a piece of tape back here..." Hangyul's voice sounds unsure.  
  
"Here I'll get it..." his hands ghost over his nape and Seungyoun has to drop his head to hide the undeniable blush thats creeping up his cheeks.  
  
"Thanks..." he whispers. Something about this is different. The air is thick and they can't seem to meet each other's eyes.  
  
He turns around and picks the piece of tape out of Hangyul's palm. Still refusing to lift his gaze.  
  
When he does he finds Hangyul looking off to the corner of the room but he still stands close. Too close yet not close enough.  
  
Then he remembers: there are cameras in this room. There are at least 2 cameras in this room and they're standing too close.  
  
It's then that the door slams against the wall with a resounding bang, cutting off whatever was happening just a split second ago.  
  
"Do you guys wanna go line up for dinner early?" Dohyon calls out without a care in the world.  
  
Seungyoun practically throws himself inside the closet and Hangyul spins around in the most unsubtle way possible.  
  
"Did I... uhm... should I just come back?" The younger boy reaches for the door carefully like it'll duct tape the situation back to where it was.  
  
"No! Yeah, no. Yeah. We'll follow you there just go ahead!" Seungyoun yells from inside the closet. Oh, what a cruel metaphor he's put himself in.  
  
"Yeah no! Uh... I'll go with you just let me get my shoes." Hangyul fumbles out.  
  
"Shoes..." Seungyoun scoffs internally. "His mind really went to shoes when he's been shirtless this whole time..."  
  
"Alrighty roo..." Dohyon drags out each syllable like he knows exactly what he walked in on.  
  
"I'll be... out here then... if you need me..." The door creaks as Dohyon obnoxiously and almost painstakingly exits, leaving the room feeling stuffier than it was a minute ago.  
  
"I'll... I'll go on ahead hyung." Hangyul stutters out, purposefully keeping his gaze away from the closet Seungyoun's cramped himself in.  
  
"Yup!" His voice is one pitch too high.  
  
After that all he can hear is the ruffling of cloth and shuffling footsteps before the door creaks open and shut once more.  
  
He stows away in the cabinet for another hour before Wooseok finds him with an unceremonious shriek.

* * *

They grow close as the days go by. As close as they can be with at least 3 cameras honed in on them at all times. Which isn't that close. Not really. Not as close as they'd like.  
  
The trend continues as their rankings both rise gradually, Hangyul always a step before him but never far away. Always so close to him yet never right where he wants him to be. It's another one of those cruel metaphors, Seungyoun bemuses to himself.  
  
But he's never bitter. How can he be with both of their parallel trajectories. He never expected to get as far as he did yet here he is at rank 17. Just a seat away from where Hangyul is.  
  
He leans over and catches Hangyul's eyes with a smile and the latter replies in kind.

* * *

  
  
There are moments where the chaos calms down and everything slows. The lights and cameras are gone, his makeup has washed away. Moments where they don't have to worry about the rules or whatever convoluted plot the producers want to push.  
  
It's a Saturday and the two of them have been roaming around the city in the most inconspicuous clothes they could find, which is matching black hoodies and joggers they bought from the department store just earlier. It makes Hangyul chuckle every now and then, when he catches sight of their reflection on a store window. They look like they're about to rob a vape shop. It's crazy to think about but Hangyul finds himself actually contemplating it.  
  
What if they could pause the circus of a show they're on and just take off together? Go on wacky adventures with Seungyoun leading every endeavor with that wide grin he always has. They'd both shove clothes into backpacks and drive off to who knows where on one of Seungyoun's cars. Then their car would break down and they'd be forced to stay at some cheap hotel run by a sweet grandma from the province. They'd cram themselves on a run down mattress... And it'd be perfect.  
  
He'd follow him to the ends of the earth if he could, Hangyul realizes as he snaps back to reality. They've walked all the way to the Han River... and it's midnight. His company might kill him for being out this late but that's something he'll deal with later.  
  
For now it's just the two of them, and the crickets hiding away in the bushes. Hangyul blushes at the intimacy but he finds the guts to wiggle his pinky into Seungyoun's. The latter huffs out a laugh and looks away but the tips of his ears are glowing pink. Hangyul does the same because he's sure he's not fairing any better.

* * *

  
  
When Hangyul arrives back at his team's dorm room, it's well past 2 am. He knows someone’s awake but he finds himself not caring much about anything apart from the way Seungyoun's obnoxious laugh still rings in his head.  
  
He hates how much it sounds like music to him. He doesn't bother flicking the lights open, he knows someone's watching him from the corner of the room. He doesn't even have to guess.  
  
"Hyung, were you out on a date?" Dohyon can be a real pain in the ass if he wants to be.  
  
"No. I was out with Seungyoun hyung. That's it." He huffs out as he pries his shoes off.  
  
"So it was a date?" Jinhyuk's voice cuts in from the other corner of the room. The leader leaves no time for interruption before he continues.  
  
"You know it's perfectly fine to go out with whoever you want. I don't mind. Dohyon has known since the group X battles apparently. And Seungyoun isn't nearly as giddy as he usually is when he's not around you." He babbles endlessly. Hangyul finds himself regretting every decision he's ever made that led him to this very moment.  
  
"Hyung it wasn't a date, alright?"  
  
"Well sure but I'm just worried cause you're still young! You may look like an old geezer like us but you're still a young whipper snapper like all the other kiddies around here! I don't trust this Seungyoun fella you've been hanging out with!" Jinhyuk seems to forget how old he really is when he's near anyone younger than twenty and it shows. A long winded complaint lies at the end of Hangyul’s tongue but he’s cut off by Dohyon, unusually timid for the first time in a long time.  
  
"Hyung..." Dohyon starts, sounding a bit more wary than he usually is.  
  
"Hyung what you're getting in to is dangerous..."  
  
"Dohyon-ah..." Hangyul huffs out but he's cut off.  
  
"-because of the rules! Hyung, I can see how happy you guys are and all but... I just wanna warn you before it gets outta hand. You guys could get in trouble... We still have to debut... you and me, remember? We have to make it to the end." He forgets how young Dohyon really is at times. He acts more mature than the boys his age but he's still just sixteen.  
  
"I know... you and me." His voice is firm yet unsure.  
  
"He's right Gyul... we're so close to the end." Jinhyuk is still somewhere on the upper bunks but he knows he's watching him too.  
  
Hangyul climbs into his bunk and throws a blanket over himself as if to block away all his worries.

* * *

When Seungyoun arrives at his dorm, everyone is already asleep.  
  
It's so quiet that he can hear his own heart racing in the still air. He can hear his shaky breaths and the shuffling of his sheets as he lays himself onto his tiny bunk.  
  
In the silence of the night, his worries start to take over. His thoughts start wandering off without him. He thinks about his mother at home, hoping and praying that his dreams come true as she watches him alone. He thinks about all his friends that are cheering him on. He thinks about all his fans and the people who've never been afraid to fight for him. He thinks of his father and the endless love and romance he instilled into Seungyoun’s very core.  
  
What he has, what they have, could be tear away everything in a heartbeat. The realization crushes him like an avalanche. The weight of just his thoughts makes his chest feel numb.  
  
Both of their dreams would be on the line. Everything they've worked so hard for would be for nothing. And for what? For a few knowing smiles? Stolen kisses where the cameras can't see. Cheeky smirks on stage and playful pats on the back. Warm hands on his face when he feels like he's at the end of his wits. Strong arms around his waist and whispers of "We can do this, hyung" when things go wrong.  
  
Is it worth it?  
  
Seungyoun has been fighting for this opportunity his whole life yet somehow a part of him tells him it is. A part of him wishes to just let go of everything and follow the ticking time bomb in his chest. He want to be free. He wants to succeed. He wants to be himself and the thing he’s always wanted himself to be. And Hangyul wants too. He knows how badly Hangyul wants to reach the end. To see the finish line and cross it. To look back at the journey with no regrets.

He won’t be able to reach his finish line if he’s tied to Seungyoun, even if he wants to be.  
  
Seungyoun’s smile trembles in the quiet night. 

* * *

They meet up again, this time on a Sunday night, no one would think of finding them hiding behind a convenience store at 3 am. There's a bitter smile on Seungyoun's face and Hangyul wants to kiss it away but he doesn't.  
  
"You know we can't do this right?" The older whispers like it'll startle the balance of the entire world if he spoke any louder.  
  
"I know." Hangyul looks down at their joined hands between them. He strokes his thumb across the back of Seungyoun's gently. Almost lovingly.  
  
It feels like they stand there, leaning against the convenience store wall, for forever. They would if the world would let them. But the world is rarely giving.  
  
When Seungyoun looks up there are tears glistening in his eyes but even so he smiles. The laugh that leaves his lips sounds wrong.  
  
"If we make it..." his voice trembles.  
  
"We will." Hangyul feels his heart breaking for a promise he's not sure either of them can keep.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
